And Now I'm Here, or Let's Talk About Presence

Greetings and salutations!  Welcome if this is your first visit, welcome back and thanks for returning if you’ve been here before.  It’s been just over two weeks since my first blog post and I’m grateful for the wonderful feedback from colleagues, family, and friends, new and old.  What I’m discovering is that the most difficult aspect of writing a regular blog will be keeping it short enough that you’ll find time to read it.  Who would have thought the little girl who was afraid to speak would grow up to be a woman who is afraid people won’t have time to listen because she talks too much?!

With that in mind, I want to make a disclaimer of sorts about the blog in general before I get into the topic of the moment.  There is much I want to say, teach, share and I hope you’ll want to read.  One of the things I’ve noticed about some blogs, including my first post, is that they’re kind of long and I myself don’t have alot of time to read them, though they may be valuable.  So going forward, I’ll try to keep posts short to medium in length.  The ideas I will write about are interrelated because they’re all about who we are and how we live, so they’ll flow through one another and it won’t really matter what I’m writing about or how long any particular post is.  Read when you have the time and interest.  This blog will be a journey, one I hope you’ll enjoy along with me.  My intention is that, in reigning in my exuberance, I’ll have time to write regularly and you’ll have time to read.  I plan to post weekly, though I may sometimes be here more often, sometimes less.  I’ve already missed a week and taken up a third of a page disclaiming that my posts will be long and boring, though in fact they might.  If you’re still here and I haven’t already lost you, join me in the flow.

Mindfulness is a thread that will weave throughout all I write because it is the single most important practice that affects the lives we create.  I use the word practice because that is what’s required to overcome the state of unconscious reactivity in which most of us live most of the time.  Mindfulness is a simple concept:  Be here now.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy.  The brain develops neural pathways based on experience, we experience what we pay attention to, and when we unconsciously pay attention to our own perceived limitations as a result of what others taught us about ourselves and other past experiences over and over again, the brain automatically follows the well worn path.  The good news is that we can change what happens in the brain today by paying attention to what we’re paying attention to, and that it requires conscious commitment and practice to do so.  I promise the rewards are great. 

You might want to take a couple of moments right now to draw your attention into your body, noticing what it’s like to be right here where you are.  Notice your body being physically supported by whatever you are sitting or standing on.  Become aware of the rise and fall of the body on the breath.  What are the sensations in your body right now?  What do you see, taste, smell, touch, hear?  See if you can observe your thoughts for a minute, listening to their content without engaging them, as they pass through your awareness.  Are you criticizing yourself, judging?  What’s your mood and energy like right now?  Practice being curious.  Expect to be distracted, especially if this is new for you.  We’re not taught to pay attention to ourselves and are constantly reminded that there is a much more exciting life if we pay attention to what others tell us about who to be, what to do, how to be, how to think, dress, eat, play, pray and so on and on.  Remember that you’re developing new neural pathways in your brain and that it will take time.  Simply notice when you become distracted and invite your attention back here.  That’s all you need to do. 

When I accept the invitation to awareness, I remember to be here where I actually am, and discover when I’m reacting to the world from long held beliefs, fears and insecurities that have nothing to do with me or my life today.  In the space of curiosity I give myself the opportunity to wonder, why am I criticizing myself or that person right now?  What’s that about for me?  When I am present I give myself the gift of perspective and choice.  Is there another way to understand this situation, this person, why I’m doing what I’m doing?  When I ask questions from my curious self, I begin to learn and understand exactly how my past experiences are impacting on me right now.  I can respond rather than react.  In that space I can wonder if reacting to the present based on the past is what actually fits.  Is what was true then still true for me now?  Is my friend who is too busy to see me this weekend really like my parents or siblings who never paid attention?  Do I tell myself no one cares or I don’t really like that friend anyway?  When my boss who, under pressure from her boss, is coming on a little strong about the need to complete this project under deadline, do I really need to react as if I were the powerless child whose mother criticized her for everything and whose expectations could never be met?  Or is this boss truly abusive and exploitive and do I stay in this job because I believe I’m worthless anyway and it’s the same wherever I go so I’m powerless and trapped?  When I can't meet the expectations of someone else is it because I'm not good enough or because the expectations are unrealistic?  These are just a few of the endless possible scenarios played out when we spin off into the past and project into the future based on the past.  This is where we go when we’re not present.   I accept as true the criticisms and judgments I tell myself because they are unconscious and automatic.  Because I believe them, the fear of actually looking at them keeps me from being curious about them. When I remember to slow down, take a breath and pull my energy back in to the center, in to this moment, I can wonder, “Is this true?”  As soon as I do that my relationship with myself and the world around me changes.

In the space of this moment there are many gifts.  I begin to discover and understand the guidance of the wisdom of the body.  I experience the power I have to separate the past from the present, to choose my perspective today, to change and to consciously create the life I live.  I experience a freedom from the beliefs and adaptations I developed in the past, and in that freedom is joy.  I allow myself to make plans, have a vision for the future, trusting that it will be whatever it needs to be as long as I pay attention now and follow my inner wisdom.  I don’t need to worry about it.  I learn to trust myself and experience the truth of my own inner wisdom.  There is space for the creative flow of the universe to move through me, and I realize the me I have long held back.  What I’ve learned through practice is that when I forget to be mindful I don’t need to judge or criticize myself.  Today I can notice, wonder what I need to pay attention to, and be grateful for the reminder to come back to the present.


I am mindful that I've gone on too long and promise to work on that because I do want you to come back and invite others.  Please feel free to comment or ask questions, as I would love this to be an interactive experience.  I get pretty busy during the week, so while I promise to respond to everyone, please be patient if it takes me a couple of days to do so now and then.  If you've read this far, I'm appreciative and impressed!  Be well.  Namaste.